my birthday present

my birthday present
My awesome birthday present 1/26/11 (see story under my first post)

Saturday, May 14, 2011

What was her sin?

Lot’s Wife

They say I looked back out of curiosity.
But I could have had other reasons.
I looked back mourning my silver bowl.
Carelessly, while tying my sandal strap.
So I wouldn't have to keep staring at the righteous nape
of my husband Lot's neck.
From the sudden conviction that if I dropped dead
he wouldn't so much as hesitate.
From the disobedience of the meek.
Checking for pursuers.
Struck by the silence, hoping God had changed his mind.
Our two daughters were already vanishing over the hilltop.
I felt age within me. Distance.
The futility of wandering. Torpor.
I looked back setting my bundle down.
I looked back not knowing where to set my foot.
Serpents appeared on my path,
spiders, field mice, baby vultures.
They were neither good nor evil now--every living thing
was simply creeping or hopping along in the mass panic.
I looked back in desolation.
In shame because we had stolen away.
Wanting to cry out, to go home.
Or only when a sudden gust of wind
unbound my hair and lifted up my robe.
It seemed to me that they were watching from the walls of Sodom
and bursting into thunderous laughter again and again.
I looked back in anger.
To savor their terrible fate.
I looked back for all the reasons given above.
I looked back involuntarily.
It was only a rock that turned underfoot, growling at me.
It was a sudden crack that stopped me in my tracks.
A hamster on its hind paws tottered on the edge.
It was then we both glanced back.
No, no. I ran on,
I crept, I flew upward
until darkness fell from the heavens
and with it scorching gravel and dead birds.
I couldn't breathe and spun around and around.
Anyone who saw me must have thought I was dancing.
It's not inconceivable that my eyes were open.
It's possible I fell facing the city.

Wislawa Szymborska

 
For all the trouble she went through, Lot’s wife didn’t even get her name mentioned in the Bible.  She might be happy to know that some several thousand years later she made the top “the top ten bad women in the Bible.”


Sometimes when I read a poem I wonder where in the world the poet got the idea to write a poem about this topic and what her interntions were. This poem makes me think about the penalty Lot’s wife paid for being disobedient, for being human, for clinging to the past…. if indeed that is what she was doing.  I really like Symborska's poetry,  very clever, ironic, thought provoking. Szymborska gives us “lots” (pun intended) to think about. Szymborska is a Polish poet, 88 years old. I love her face. I will be posting more from her.





No comments: